Bible Bish

Earthly Fathers and God the Father | Guest: Za Smith

• Kayley Bishop

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What if the way you’ve been taught to provide… isn’t actually what God intended?

In this episode of the Bible Bish Podcast, Za Smith opens up about what it means to be a covering, not just a provider. He shares a deeply personal story about looking for his father in the stands…and how it revealed something powerful about God the Father’s love.

We dive into:

  • How performing for God and for others can block true connection
  • Why being weak in front of your wife might actually be your greatest strength
  • What it means to submit first as a man
  • The difference between pampering and perfecting love
  • How asking better questions can unlock breakthrough in your relationship with God and others

This isn’t just for men. It’s for anyone wrestling with performance, provision, and what biblical love really looks like in practice.

✨ There’s something holy about humility -and if you’ve been in your wilderness season, you’re not behind. You’re just getting ready.

Thanks for tuning in to Bible Bish!

Come for the tea, stay for the truth -you just might leave changed. 🕊️

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Music & more: @kayleybish
Website: www.biblebish.com

💌 Got a testimony or question? Email me at kayley@biblebish.com

In the name of love, this is your Bible Bish reporting for duty. ♡

Za:

success is traumatic

Kayley:

man, I'm not getting an answer to this prayer And he's like, well, you're not praying the right thing,

Za:

there's goodness attached to your discomfort,

Kayley:

as soon as I took care of the self-loathing within hours I made so much money that night. Well, hello there everybody. My name is Kayley Bishop and welcome to the Bible Bish Podcast, where I hope you came for the tea. That you're gonna stay for the truth, and then possibly my prayer is that you would leave changed. And I'm so excited because the person that I've got on the podcast as my guest today is a dear friend of mine. He's a spirit filled man, a beautiful singer and songwriter in town. This is my dear friend Za Smith.

Za:

What is first, let me just say, that's a heck of an intro. That's a really cool intro. Intro.

Kayley:

Did you like that?

Za:

I did, I did.

Kayley:

See, here's the thing, you just can't worry, right? You can't worry about anything. A friend of mine has a 90, I think she's like 94 years old, or 84 years old. Mm-hmm. And she was like, uh, grandma, what's the secret to long life? And she was like, honey, you cannot worry about anything man. And it's so biblical.

Za:

It really is. And I think what's so cool about that too is like for people that are in that stage of life, they've understood there's an art to that. As well. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like there's, it's something that you have to practice.

Kayley:

Oh, 100%.

Za:

And it's very, very difficult. Of course. Otherwise, God wouldn't tell us to.

Kayley:

Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think he knew that we were gonna be so terrified all the time. Yeah. Yep. And that's why he says do not fear 365 times in the Bible.

Za:

That's right, one for each day.

Kayley:

One for each day. I mean, like he knew what we were gonna struggle with. Yeah. And it really is a practice of taking every cap thought, every thought captive, and making it obedient to Christ. It's like anytime I start to get worried, he's like, stop putting on that yoke of fear. I didn't give that to you. Take it off. Yeah. Why don't you just get yoked to me. We're gonna walk and we're gonna laugh and we're gonna take a slow pace. You, you're not gonna sweat.

Za:

Geez. Geez, dude. I mean, that's literally right on on point timing wise as well because

Kayley:

tell me where you're at right now.

Za:

Yeah, it's a great question. I would say where I'm at right now, I'm learning a new level of letting go. Okay. Best way I can say that, this has been a very fast moving six months, I'd say. Things have been like really moving fast and it's been a really blessed time. Right? Yeah. Um, all at the same time, I once heard someone say that, um, success is traumatic.

Kayley:

Ooh. Yeah. Okay. Unpack that for me.

Za:

So just like anything else in life. And that's not me also saying like, I'm super successful right now, you know, but with, with answered prayers coming to pass. Okay. And with, more of the things that I've been hoping for actually becoming a part of my reality. Right? Yeah. that thought of success being traumatic, when you think about trauma, trauma. Is attached to triggers, right? Yep. But you don't know what those triggers are until you're in a situation where you're triggered.

Kayley:

Triggered, right? Yeah.

Za:

And then from there, you're learning and becoming more and more aware, and you're, you're getting to the root of what those things are. You're getting to a place of understanding what to do when you are triggered and how to properly process those things, right? So for me. I'm in a spot where a lot of things are coming to pass all glory to God. I'm thankful for it.

Kayley:

Yeah, totally.

Za:

But there's the backside to the blessing. Yeah. The burden side of it being, oh, I didn't know that I would feel this way attached to this thing happening. Oof. I didn't know that when I experienced. This answered prayer over here. Just keeping it kind of vague as as of right now, but when I experienced this answered prayer over here that you would show me the 7-year-old in me that is attached to really what you're doing through that thing, it's not even really about that thing happening. Mm-hmm. Because obviously there's always, we've talked about this a bunch. Yeah. There's this, this walk between doing and being

Kayley:

Yes. Right. Doing and being,

Za:

doing and being. And so he's like, okay, cool. I'm gonna allow your doing to expose another side of being that I want you to grow in. Mm-hmm. And so all of that comes with letting go of expectations of what it's supposed to look like when you're going through. Answer prayers.

Kayley:

Oh, that's so good. Yeah. You know, I have been saying this for a while. God has healed me in layers. Mm. And the thing is, as long as I'm walking around on this earth, I'm gonna encounter pain. Yeah. Just because we're born into sin and we live in a fallen world. Yeah. We're, we all fall short of the glory of God. And so you're gonna encounter people that don't know him that are gonna be cruel. Yeah. And there are gonna be times that my flesh rises up and is cruel, you know? And yeah, hopefully not because I just love Jesus too much to do that. But, but like in his mercy, God has healed me layer by layer. I think if he revealed all the truths about me, like spirit, body, and soul. I would just fall apart and die. Yeah. Like he's like, you can't handle all that information at once. Like, I gotta gently just peel back layer by layer. Yes. And he's so good.

Za:

That is, that's so on point, because also too is there's, there's a pace. To your healing.

Kayley:

Yeah. You know, can't rush it.

Za:

You just you , can't rush it.

Kayley:

He rushes it sometimes. Yeah. He can expedite it. Yeah. I mean, I remember when he said, I'm gonna redeem the years of Locust have eaten.

Za:

That's right.

Kayley:

And he sure did. Yeah. But that's on his timing.

Za:

That's that's on his. And also too, when he does speed up the process or put us in a spot where we're uncomfortable and it's like, Lord, why are things moving so fast? Why are you allowing this? Uh, why are you allowing me to feel this over and over and over again? Why are these triggers coming over and over and over again?

Kayley:

Yeah.

Za:

Oftentimes he's like, it's because I need you to be here. In who you are at a certain point. Mm. With what I want to do through you. Yeah. Like I need, you know, you think about the, the children of Israel, right? Mm-hmm. That, you know, their exodus out of Egypt was really supposed to be an 11 day journey. And this is also something relative to where I'm supposed, supposed to be at.

Kayley:

This is nuts.

Za:

Oh lord. Uh, so, but it was supposed to be an 11 day journey, right? And wilderness seasons are supposed to represent God stripping you of things that can't go into the next season.

Kayley:

Yeah.

Za:

And adding to you the things that you need in order to

Kayley:

come on

Za:

fully be everything he wants you to be in the next season. Right? Yep. obviously for them. It ended up being much longer than 11 days. Yeah, 40 years. Longer than 11 days.

Kayley:

They were kicking and screaming.

Za:

Kicking and screaming the whole time.

Kayley:

The whole time,

Za:

right. Something I've been sitting in between me and God relative to that where there's transition in my life is, I think I've expected for the 11 days to feel a lot shorter than they actually are, and he's like, yeah, no, it's not that you're off pace. It's not that you're in a season where, I'm, I'm forcing you to repeat this lesson or X, y, Z because you're not hitting the mark. It's because you're in your 11 days. Mm. And you have to be okay with being in your 11 days. Now, if you aren't leaning in and allowing me to do what I wanna do in those 11 days, that's when it turns to 40 years.

Kayley:

Mm. Okay.

Za:

But if you allow me. To do everything that I'm wanting to do in this. And, and you recognize the fact that there's goodness attached to your discomfort, and that's the perspective that you're trying to sit in. That's where I can strip you the things that you can't take.

Kayley:

Yeah.

Za:

And that's where can add the things that you need. Because also too, you think about the, the nation of Israel after they got out of the wilderness. They were conquerors. Mm-hmm. They were to go in to Canaan.

Kayley:

Yeah. Conquer.

Za:

Conquer. You know? Um, and so there's different areas of my life right now. Really long-winded answer to your question, but that's how we talk anyway.

Kayley:

Yeah, that's true.

Za:

Um, but yeah, there are, there are different things in my life right now where God is allowing answered prayers to reveal to me more and more. Where I'm in my 11 days.

Kayley:

That's so good. I mean, you sort of to touched on something where it's, it's like you're not in your 11 days'cause you did something wrong. Yeah. That is such a habit of mine. Like I have shamed myself so much like, and it's something that God really wanted to work on me. Like he actually healed me a couple weeks ago. He's like, you've been walking around with so much self-loathing. Yeah. Like as soon as something doesn't go right, you shame yourself as if you did something wrong and you hate yourself. And he's like, you are actually, because you're partnering with the enemy's lies. Yeah. You're making an agreement with the enemy. Yep. On that. It's, it's affecting how I Bless you.

Za:

Geez,

Kayley:

it's affecting your finances. Yeah. And it was, I mean, I was in a financial drought and I was like, yeah, meanwhile I'm not worrying. Right.'cause I've just learned it doesn't make sense to worry when God's always got my back.

Za:

Yep.

Kayley:

But like I'm still now, now questioning like, Lord, what's going on?

Za:

Yeah.

Kayley:

Like I'm not making money like I normally would.

Za:

Right.

Kayley:

What is happening? And he's like, we gotta take care of your self-loathing. And as soon as I took care of the self-loathing within hours I made. I made so much money that night. Wow. That very night. Wow, man. And then in the middle of the night, I had all, all these prophetic dreams. He's waking me up. I get up at four in the morning to write down my dreams and I check my phone and I have this invitation to go to Japan for two months to play music.

Za:

Geez. Man

Kayley:

to basically cover all my bills for the summer and, and I'm just like, this is nuts, Lord. Like yeah. We do not fight against flesh and blood, but the principalities and the authorities of the unseen realm. That's right. And so it's like when you are making these agreements of, I suck, like it's all, my fault, da da, the enemy wants you to agree with that because then he can, he can be a buffer or a stumbling block to how God blesses you.

Za:

So accurate. It also speaks to how much God knows us as his children.

Kayley:

Yeah.

Za:

Like we've talked about siblings and things like that. Yes. And I know for me, even though we all come from, from the same family, you know. We're wired different in different ways.

Kayley:

Yes.

Za:

And just like any other good parents, it's like, okay, I, I know how to get through to this child and I know how to get through to this child.

Kayley:

Sure.

Za:

And it's not the same thing. No, but. The lesson that I'm wanting to teach is the same thing, and I just, I'd love how for you, that lesson of self-loathing that he wanted to walk you through mm-hmm. Was attached to the practical, Lord, I need money right now. I know. Why am I not experiencing that?

Kayley:

I would never, never have known that. I would never put that together.

Za:

Yep. So good. It's so good.

Kayley:

Okay. But now you're touching on something else. Yeah. And you're touching on the reason I wanted to bring you on the, on the podcast, because I, I want you to talk about as how, as a man you relate to God. Like how does He disciple you? Like even within a community of men? Yes. How do you hear him when you're strong, does that affect how emotional you can be with God? Yeah. Because I feel like men have a hard time with Yeah. Being emotional or expressing emotion. So I just gave you a, a huge buffet

Za:

That's okay.

Kayley:

Of things to talk about. So lay it on me.

Za:

Oof. Where do you

Kayley:

start wherever you wanna start.

Za:

Well, um, first I'll just start talking about me and then I'll relate it to what I think most men experience, if not all for me, I come from a family with a really, really, really loving dad. Mm, incredibly loving father did everything that he could to be present. The type of home that I grew up in was very different than the type of home that he grew up in.

Kayley:

Okay.

Za:

And so his image of a father, um. And the type of father that he actually was two different things. Mm. And so I know for me right now, I've been talking through different things with, with different mentors and also with my dad as well. Like, man, where does this need to perform come into play when it comes to my relationship with God? Because the, I didn't feel that in my relationship with you. I didn't feel like I had to earn your love or earn your blessings.

Kayley:

So good.

Za:

Right. That's not what I experienced with my relationship with my own dad. So, with my Heavenly Father, I'm, I'm trying to unpack it. At the same time, I do have very vivid memories of like, like I'll just take, when I used to play football, right? I'm kid playing football, running the ball, and there's an image of me consistently looking over to my right as I'm, I'm bending the corner to try to make it up field, and I'm looking for my dad in the stands. While I'm mid play, I'm running the ball. I got defenders running at me whole nine, and I'm looking up and I'm, I'm trying to see if he's, he's watching right? And he's in the stand and he's like, look forward. He could see me looking over at him, you know what I mean? He's like, look ahead, you know,

Kayley:

you're so sweet.

Za:

But he, he would run with me down the sideline. Anytime I got the rock or anytime I got, you know, a, a big tackle or whatever, he was right there. Right.

Kayley:

That's gonna make me cry. That's such a beautiful depiction of fatherhood.

Za:

Yeah, it is. Ah, so for me now, as a husband, and as someone who, who desires to be a father one day, it's like, Lord, where does the need? to perform or earn your love? Where? Where does inadequacy, when it comes to my relationship with you, where does that come from?

Kayley:

Yeah,

Za:

right, and to be honest with you, I don't feel like I fully have an answer yet, but I do know that God being the loving father, that he is the same way my dad knew exactly. The pace that I needed. And obviously my dad wasn't perfect or anything like that. Mm-hmm. But he knew there was a certain pace of affirmation that I needed to say, Hey man, that was great. Now look ahead. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like things like that. I, , I feel like the heavenly father that we serve is the exact same way with us as men now. I think also too, our view of God as men is very much tainted by what culture's understanding of what a man is.

Kayley:

Do you feel like that's shifted a lot as of late too? Like following the Me Too movement? Unpack what you mean by that because I'm curious.

Za:

Yeah. So I, I was thinking about what it means to be a covering.

Kayley:

Oh, okay. Yeah.

Za:

Obviously in being a follower of Christ, our goal is to try to be a reflection of him in every way possible.

Kayley:

Sure. Right.

Za:

So I think about some of the pressures that I feel as a husband to try to cover my family financially. Mm-hmm. All very practical things as well, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Financially, I wanna be a great protector. You not just rolling up in my house, bro. I'm, you know, that you not just, you can't get to my, yeah. But yeah, you got in a lot of ways, very practical things, but I think sometimes the, the enemy will distort that and make us think that that's what God is expecting of us, to qualify us as a, as a covering. I'm gonna unpack it a bit more. Okay. Again, there's practicality to it.

Kayley:

Yeah. Of course.

Za:

There isn't a place in the Bible that you will find. Where Jesus says, in order to be a proper covering, you have to be the breadwinner of your house. You don't see that in the Bible.

Kayley:

Man. I think men need to hear that right now. It's Well 'cause it's so inherent to, to men to want to provide. Right. Because it also says in scripture, a man that doesn't provide for his family, is worse than an unbeliever.

Za:

That's right.

Kayley:

But that's interesting that you would say that.

Za:

So then comes to the question of what does it mean to provide.

Kayley:

Oh, snap, Za, okay, let's go there. Yeah. Tell me what does it mean to provide

Za:

Well, I,

Kayley:

this is good.

Za:

It's, it's, man, so I'll just a little bit of context with me and my wife. So we come from two different homes, two different backgrounds in a lot of ways. And so, um, when we first got together, and even still now, we've been together six years this year and married four, this is amazing. There's still this unpacking of, Family of origin things.

Kayley:

Mm. Right. Mm-hmm.

Za:

And I'll never forget this, there was a time when we first got together, woo Lord. There was a time when we first got together and, um, we were in a disagreement and I remember yelling out, I'm not a inappropriate word. Right. And I, and, and really, I didn't realize that at the time, but I was. Really saying it to myself. Mm. And she said it in such a, a, a loving and sweet way. She was like, I never, I've never once thought that, never once thought that

Kayley:

she is so sweet.

Za:

She's the best.

Kayley:

She's just so peaceful and loving.

Za:

Yes. But what she said to follow gave me a new understanding of what it meant to provide. So she said, your ability to be weak with me is why I see you as strong. I'm the person that you're supposed to be able to be weak with.

Kayley:

Yeah. That's,

Za:

I'm the person that you're supposed to be able to unpack what you're feeling emotionally or the the pressures of life that you're right. Yeah. Honestly, even in another practical way, there are things that God literally couldn't bless me with until I had someone to help me carry the burden of it.

Kayley:

Wow. Yeah.

Za:

You know?

Kayley:

Yes.

Za:

And so her, so expectation of me as a husband, of course she expects me to go out there and, and work and make sure that I'm bringing money to the Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. You know what I mean? And the goal is for me to be a breadwinner in my house. Mm-hmm. Not from the place anymore, of it being I have to because my manhood is attached to it. Mm. Now it's, I want to give my life my wife the most. Easy life that I can because I love her. Yeah. Purely from a place of love. It's not an expectation that she's put on me. Mm. It's not a thing that's like, oh yeah, you know, you're inadequate as a man if you're not doing this thing for her. Of course, she does value me going out and getting it and doing all the things, but she values me being present. She values me being a husband that will cover his home in prayer. She values me being, come on, sensitive to the things that she's going to going through. Yeah. Like that's another man. I used to feel like I had to solve every one of her problems, when really she just wanted me to be present. Mm. And also too, I heard this from the Lord as well, even though I'm her covering. She's still his daughter and there are things that, that he's going to take her through that I really won't know about until the other side of it.

Kayley:

Wow. Yeah.

Za:

You know, like there's, there are things within her, there's aspects of who she is that she's unaware of at this point. Talking about that pace of healing, talking about that pace of, now I'm showing you another side of who you are, there are things that I, I couldn't fix if I wanted to. So my responsibility as her husband, as her covering is to pray for her.

Kayley:

Do you think, well, I guess, have you ever fallen in this confusion of, okay, I am her covering. Mm-hmm. But while simultaneously trying to be her, God?

Za:

Yes.

Kayley:

Okay. Like solving all the issues?

Za:

Yes.

Kayley:

Do you feel like you see that with a lot of men?

Za:

A thousand percent.

Kayley:

Okay. So what would you. Say to those guys And what did, how did you kind of break through that?

Za:

Well, I think it starts with your own submission.

Kayley:

Okay.

Za:

I think you being in a place where the Holy Spirit reveals to you where you're wrong or where you're out of place mm-hmm. Is important, first and foremost, because for me, as, as a husband, the, the, the best thing that I can do, and that's not to say, again, I keep going back to this practicality of. The needs of life, right? Mm-hmm. Those exist as well,

Kayley:

right of course.

Za:

But for everything that I don't know, for every experience that my wife has, that I don't know or, or every trigger that she has, that she just tries her best to wear well. Mm-hmm. The Holy Spirit does know. And so for me, the first thing that I can do is to submit unto the Lord. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide me with discernment to guide me with. There's been plenty of times where he is told me, shut your mouth. This is not the right time to talk. I'm so, you know, don't, this is not the time to talk. Wow. This is the time to listen. Mm. Or Yeah, she ain't gonna like this, but I want you to say it right now. Ugh. So. But that all comes from the Holy Spirit. The call is for wives to submit unto their husband as he submits unto the Lord.

Kayley:

Yes.

Za:

So it starts with you being in a place of submission. Mm-hmm. Where you're able to hear from the Holy Spirit where you are out of place. Mm-hmm. Because again, as loving of a husband, as I aim to be, I couldn't fix all of her problems if I wanted to, and I may do more harm by trying to do it off of my own strength, which is like any, anything else in life where when you do it off of your own strength, it's gonna always fail.

Kayley:

Yeah.

Za:

So being in a place of sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and how he wants you to cover his daughter.

Kayley:

That's so good. And I think it's In Ephesians where it's like, husbands, sub husbands love your wives, love your wives, love your wives. Wives submit to your husbands. And I always go back to like, the husband loves your wive part because it says it three times. Yeah. And I'm like, it would be easy to submit to a man that loved me three times as much as God said. Yeah. It's like, because what does it look like for a man to love me?

Za:

Yeah.

Kayley:

I mean, the man that I want Yeah. Is gonna love me with an alignment with Holy Spirit.

Za:

That's right.

Kayley:

He's gonna love me the way Holy Spirit is informing him to love me. Yeah. Which means he will be quiet when it's time to be quiet. Yeah. And he will confront when it's time to confront. Yeah. Like that to me, a man that's confronting me and saying, Hey, uh, holy Spirit within me is grieved by how you're behaving.

Za:

Yes. Yes.

Kayley:

That's love.

Za:

It is

Kayley:

because you can't have love without truth. Yeah. It's pampering. And it's perfecting

Za:

That's right.

Kayley:

At the same time. Yeah. And so for a man to love me enough to pamper me and also to perfect me. Mm. Not out of, not out of God's alignment, with God as his co co collaborator with that, that is the most. Love I could probably feel. And in, well, at least on Earth, right? Yeah. And then in return, like why would I not wanna submit to that? Why would I not want him to be the leader of the household when he's going Yep. To the Lord to get all the answers

Za:

you think about Jesus and all the miracles that he performed, and him literally being God in flesh. Mm-hmm. Still interceded on our behalf in prayer,

Kayley:

so good.

Za:

And going to the father and,

Kayley:

and he really is the bridegroom.

Za:

He really, really is.

Kayley:

Wow, that's so good.

Za:

And so that image of like, okay, Lord, like no matter what proverbial miracle, I wanna work in my house where my wife doesn't ever have to lift a finger anymore. If you will, what you value is my intercession. Mm. What you value is my ability to cover.

Kayley:

And she values that too.

Za:

And she does. She, she's, and she lets me know, she's like,

Kayley:

I'm sure she, you prayed for me today. Yeah. I'm, if if I knew my man was praying for me, like contending on his knees for my breakthrough,

Za:

yeah.

Kayley:

I would feel so covered.

Za:

Yeah. Yeah.

Kayley:

So loved.

Za:

I remember, um, before we got married. Um, having a conversation with my father-in-law, me and him are really, really close. So blessed to have that

Kayley:

Wow, that's amazing.

Za:

Yeah, he's like, he genuinely is a second dad. Love that man to life. her and him are very, very tight, like best friends. And I remember talking to him about, um, what it meant to basically cover his daughter. And we were working through that together. And I told him, I was like, man, I'd be foolish not to call you and ask you questions about someone that you've known her entire life.

Kayley:

Wow, that's so good, za,

Za:

you know, so good. And I'm, I'm getting to know her as life progresses and as we live together. Mm-hmm. And do all the things, but you know her. And that is, you know, of course we go through things as a couple and mm-hmm. You know, there are things that stay in our house, but when it's about her wellbeing and when it's about making sure that I'm. Hitting the mark of what it means to cover her in a also very practical way. I ask my father-in-law for help. Now I'm aware of the fact that that's not everybody's testimony. Yeah. And everybody's not able to do that. Mm-hmm. But the heart posture is more what I'm addressing right now.

Kayley:

It's humility.

Za:

It's humility enough to say, I don't know right now.

Kayley:

Yeah. It's so good. And God favors the humble.

Za:

He favors the humble and. Regardless of whether or not I had a father-in-law that loved me enough and is patient with me enough to me have a conversation with him and there'd be moments where like, yeah, Za, you probably not doing right right there. He doesn't chastise me with that. It's not a thing where it's like a harshness to it.'cause he understands I'm learning his daughter too.

Kayley:

Yeah, right. Totally.

Za:

How much more does our Heavenly Father have grace for us as men? Learning how to cover his daughter. How much more if we're, if we, if I never had that father-in-law, how much more would my heavenly father want to stand alongside me and say, yeah, let me teach you how to care for my daughter.

Kayley:

It's just so good. I love that we're touching on this. Me too. I didn't, me too have no intention of touching on this, but man, I just feel like there's so many men that are getting it wrong. And it's not because they're bad.

Za:

No,

Kayley:

it's not because they're bad. They just don't know. Yeah. And I mean, when it comes to loving a woman, you're gonna be a fool. Yeah. You're gonna be the, a fool the first time around. Yeah. Like, like I was a fool. I, I, I was a fool in so many ways. Why would I ever expect to be good at something for the first time? Man And, and so it's like. That's why God favors the humble, because in our humility, that's when we hit our knees and we ask for help. Yeah. Whether we do it to our Earthly Fathers or our Heavenly Father, he's like, thank you for coming to wisdom. Hmm. Because I had a whole vat of it for you and you're finally asking for it. Yes. Here are the keys. Yeah. Take it.

Za:

Take it. One thing I'll say and then wherever you wanna take it, I'm following you. I had another ment mentor of mine. He taught me this, and I'll never forget it. He's like, man, God wants you to ask better questions.

Kayley:

Ugh. Yep. Mm-hmm.

Za:

He wants you to, I mean, it's like any other relationship. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like mm-hmm. If you're not growing in your level of communication with the person mm-hmm. After a certain point, the relationship's is gonna die off. Mm. Interesting. Mm-hmm. So when it comes to that, that question or, or asking better questions. As a husband, as a covering. I don't think God doesn't want us to ask him, Lord, how am I supposed to love your daughter today? Lord, what is it that I'm missing that she's experiencing right now? Y'all go through something. That we as men will never, ever understand. Yeah. And y'all go through it. Well that too. Yeah. But there, there are aspects of things that y'all experience once a month. Yeah. That we will never, ever, ever, ever understand. Yep. And there's this level of, okay, Lord, what does she need right now? Mm, how can I, how can I be present with her right now?

Kayley:

It's so good.

Za:

And I'm be, I'm gonna be totally honest for any man listening to this. I do not always get it right and you'll not always get it right, but that's where Grace comes into play too.

Kayley:

Yeah. And praise God, there's grace. Yeah. I mean, that's such a good point to touch on, like asking the right questions. Asking better questions. Yeah. Asking informed questions not only to people that we're in relationship with. Yeah. On Earth, whether it's friends, family, or spouse. I've actually been asking better questions with the Lord. Yeah. Because there have been times where I'm like, man, I'm not getting an answer to this prayer

Za:

man.

Kayley:

And he's like, well, you're not praying the right thing.

Za:

Dude.

Kayley:

Like you're not actually asking the right thing. Yeah. And I'm like, ah.

Za:

Jesus.

Kayley:

Okay. Um, okay, well, what question do I need to ask? Yeah. And he'd be like, this one, I'm like, oh my gosh. Yes, yes. Lord, this question. Yep. And then all of a sudden, light bulb, light bulb, light bulb, breakthrough moment, and, um, man, he is so good. Like we need to be asking more informed questions. Like, as I grow in my relationship with the Lord, I am growing an understanding of his character and of his nature. Mm. Hmm. And I am becoming less in bondage, less trapped, less imprisoned with whatever I'm believing about myself with, with whatever agreement I've made with the enemy. Hmm. I am now adopting what he says over my life. And man, let me tell you, like my questions with the Holy Spirit have really been changing. Yeah. Because I'm asking him what I should be asking him.

Za:

That's right, man.

Kayley:

Crazy.

Za:

I think that's great stewardship as well. That's really good.

Kayley:

Well, it's like when I want the breakthrough or when I want the answer, I've gotta go get it. Yeah. Somehow. Yeah. I've gotta persist. And man, he honors that perseverance too. He knows that I'm trying to work it out.

Za:

That's right.

Kayley:

And he's so patient, but he also, he, he wants to see how hungry I am too. Yeah. That's right, because if I'm hungry mm-hmm. Oh, I'm going to eat.

Za:

That's right.

Kayley:

I'm going to eat. Yeah. Well, I think we're, we're coming to the end of this, and so I want you to just give another encouraging word to the men out there that are maybe, maybe they're single or maybe they're, they're, they're married and they're like, how can I love the women in my life better? How can I steward my relationship with them better?

Za:

Mm-hmm. Oh Lord. Um, I say that because that also aligns with where I'm at right now. That's the, to be candid with you, that's a question that I'm currently asking. Mm. It's like, Lord, how can I do better? Mm-hmm. How can I continue to Right. it comes down to loving yourself Well, first.

Kayley:

Okay. That's good. Okay. What does that look like then?

Za:

Yeah. I, I, especially as a man, as a man, I'll just kind of speak on on my end. So I have this tend tendency to fall into being a workaholic. Yeah. In different ways, right?

Kayley:

Yeah, totally.

Za:

Again, wanting to to provide, wanting to cover, wanting, perform things. Perform. For sure. And also too, there's this scarcity mindset attached to it that the Lord is redeeming, right? Yeah. But that's another conversation Right. Yeah. So when it comes to what I pour into my house, I'm pouring out from a place of deficit. Mm. I'm pouring out from a place of, of being empty. Right. And

Kayley:

that hurts.

Za:

It hurts. And my wife feels it. Oof. I'll never forget, we, we do check-ins as a, as a, um, a couple every now and then, we'll literally just be sitting together and, and we'll ask like, how am I doing? What, what do you know? Show me something about myself that, that you're needing. Yeah. The difference in, or sometimes it'll be us affirming that we're doing a great job. It's not always

Kayley:

That's awesome

Za:

critiques, right? That's good. But I'll never forget, this was about a year ago. My wife, we, we were talking and she was like, I just need you to be more present because you're home, but you're not home. Mm. And I was like, dang, dang, dude. Yeah. I'm not. And here I am today and that's something I'm still working on. Mm. But it comes with me also trusting the Lord to guide me on what it means to love myself better. Mm. You know, I, I can't be the father that I want to be one day if I'm not, you know, allowing God to work on me and make sure that I'm full enough to pour into my children. Yeah. So I need it from a wisdom standpoint. Mm-hmm. I need it from a joy standpoint. Yep. I need it from a strength standpoint, a peace, you know? Yeah. Like literally everything. All of the fruit of the spirit. Yep. that comes with. You learning how to love yourself well as a man first. Mm-hmm. And allowing God to teach you how to love yourself well too, which he also has grace for.

Kayley:

I think that is so good, Za and it almost kind of like to, to like sum that up. Yeah. It's almost like, am I coachable?

Za:

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Kayley:

Because loving myself means I stay in the state of coachability. Yes. Because I've gotta be coachable by the people that love me the most. Yep. And by God, yes. Like sitting and abiding with him is so that we can get to know each other so he can pour into me, so then I can then pour out and it's staying submitted, staying coachable. That's so good.. ladies, if you're listening and you want that kind of man. Mm-hmm. I don't know necessarily what the answer is, but I guess, you know, love yourself. Yeah. Like you just said, love yourself. Like, are you coachable? Yeah. Are you willing to humble yourself and sit before the Lord and allow him to do the, the fine detailed work in your life? Yeah. Zay, thank you so much. I feel like this is, this was a really rich. Moment to have with you and, and I really hope it blesses everybody out there. Y'all, if you're listening along and it did hit you, it did strike something in you, please go on biblebish.com and tell me about it. Leave me a little testimony and, um, or comment, you know, subscribe to all the channels. Follow me on Instagram. Za, where can they find you?

Za:

Yeah, they can find me on Instagram and all the other platforms at @zasmith.music Za is just ZA and then smith.music. And you can follow me.

Kayley:

And He's so good y'all. He's so good. He released a song with Maverick City not too long ago. I did. And um, man, I've listened to it on repeat, not gonna lie.

Za:

Oh, thank you.

Kayley:

I love it so much. So y'all, thank you so much again. This is Kayley Bishop. Your Bible Bish podcast and I hope you have an amazing day. Me and Za are here doing this in the name of love, because we love you. We want you to walk in freedom, so go walk in peace and freedom and have a wonderful one. Bye y'all.

Za:

Bye.