My Scariest Secret And Why I’m Finally Talking

My name is Kayley Bishop and I’m your Bible Bish. In this first episode of the Bible Bish Podcast I'm telling my full story: the abusive marriage, the emotional affair, the identity crisis, and how Jesus met me when I didn't know the way out. I never thought I’d talk about my affair publicly but PRAISE GOD, shame loses its grip when you confess. If you think God can’t love you because of what you’ve done, think again. If you have a secret that you think will destroy you, your confession might actually just be the key to your breakthrough!! 

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Transcript

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Kayley B 4.8 Video-1: 0:00

It's already filming. Yep, you're good. Okay. Well, I'm also just gonna pray really fast. welcome to Bible Bish, my new podcast. wow. Okay. It feels weird to say that we're filming 'cause in a way I don't really feel like I'm filming because I'm just in this room and. I'm almost by myself, except for my friend, who is honestly probably chaperoning me for emotional support more than anything. But If you would've told me five years ago that I would be talking about my affair in a public way on a permanent platform. I would've probably run for the hills, buried my head in the sand and never looked up ever again in my life and died a thousand painful deaths. Uh, because that has been the most shameful part of my story. And I know I just probably dropped a little bit of a bomb because who goes on and says affair just like that. Um, I do. It's me because I'm your Bible Bish. You come for the tea, stay for the truth, and hopefully. You leave changed, and I wanna tell you how this podcast started, why it's happening now, and then I wanna give you my testimony and tell you all the nitty , gritty details about my affair. Again, it's weird to just that word rolling off my mouth., and it's not a laughing matter, but of course we laugh out of discomfort, so just take it as that. But, , this all started actually, I guess a couple years ago. The Lord called me to be authentic without fear of man, and I had to chew on that a little bit because I, I thought I was authentic. I mean, I, if you talk to me face to face, I was pretty clear about my convictions., I wanted to talk about my faith journey with people. I was open and honest about who I was and what I'd been through and where God was taking me, and I loved those conversations. And then I was authentic even on stage. I mean, I went from being afraid to talk about stuff to talking about my divorce. I mean, that was something that made me cringe years ago. The thought of sharing something so. Uh, scary or painful, I don't know. Vulnerable, like I couldn't do it. And then I find myself doing just that, being authentic on stage as I'm sharing music. And if you didn't know this, if you don't know who I am, I'm a country artist in Nashville, Tennessee. I write songs for a living. I've lived here for 11 years. Music has been my thing. I've never. Uh, thought I would end up being in a place where I'd be public speaking or even doing a podcast. So this is new territory for me, but that's just the background of what I do and who I am. And I started writing songs that were very vulnerable, that were authentic and sharing them on stage. But yet I went back to that word that God gave me about being authentic without fear of man. And I slowly began to realize that I wasn't authentic on social media, this, this platform that felt so permanent. Ah, and scary. Like if I talk about who I truly am on here, what, what is the music industry gonna think about me? What are my people, friends, family, what are they gonna think about me? Like if I say things like this, affairs, if I talk about an affair on social media, like aren't the keyboard., people, the ones that , fight on the keyboards, the keyboard, whatever it's called. Like, you know, they, they get on there, they type all the mean words. Aren't I just gonna be persecuted? Like, I think that's been my biggest fear of rejection. That man would reject me for being authentic and for being real about who I am. And, but God started to work that in me and I began to get up there on Instagram and all the other places, YouTube. And I started to share the things that God was doing in my life, the places he was taking me, the the lessons I was learning, the little mic drop Bible moments. And a friend, dear friend of mine, said to me, Kayley, this has to be a thing. What are you gonna call it? And. Just like that. I said, Bible BISH. It's slightly offensive, but it's also me because I think I'm a little offensive at times, and my last name is Bishop, and so of course it's gonna be Bible Bish. I mean, people used to call me Bish in college. It's been a nickname for forever, and I know there are gonna be some people that see the title of this podcast and they're gonna run for the Hills, or they're gonna judge me and be like, why are you using this and talking about the Bible? How dare you? And I'm just gonna be like, you know, if you're mad at me for cussing, or if you're mad at me for saying the word Bish, because it's my last name, step right up because this podcast is for you. And I hope that you learn how to not be judgmental, which is also a lesson I had to learn.'cause I used to be very judgmental, not outwardly, but I harbored a lot of judgment for people internally before my life hit the fan. Anyway, back to the podcast. So I started sharing who I was authentically online, became the Bible Bish. And I remember last year I was doing an event down in Florida and they had flown me down. I was singing and I had gotten sick. I had no voice. And I remember just talking to the Lord about it and being like, God. I know that you've gifted me in more than one way. It's not just my singing ability, because if I, if I just focus alone on how I sound and how I sing, when that goes, then I'm gonna have an identity issue. Like, who am I without my voice? And. I just decided to not worry and not stress about not being able to perform in this great capacity that I was hoping to perform in. And I showed up warts and all. I showed up with my rags and leaned on the Lord and said, we're gonna tell stories tonight. I'm not be able to sing like normal, but we're gonna tell stories. And God, I trust that you're gonna be with me. And I remember going into this event, which wasn't a huge event. And I had that girded within me. I was ready, I was gonna do this, and I just told all these stories and I sounded like crap. And I'm sure I was cringey at times and I talked through the songs and by the end of it. It was almost like all the audience members there just became my family, and I stayed after with them and we talked and we got to know each other, and they stared me down and said, you need to have a podcast. And I was like, wow. Okay. All right. Bible Bish is becoming more than just a talking head on Instagram. We're gonna be Bible Bishin' on the podcast. And, , I just didn't think that two months later I would begin to put this together. But that's the beauty of it. And even when I knew I was gonna do this podcast, I had this 80 pound gorilla sitting on my back, like, how am I gonna do this? Like, do I have to buy all this gear? Do I need a studio setup in my home? Like, I just, I didn't know what to do. And I remember I had got alone with the Lord and he said to me, Kayley. Your immaturity is founded in your inability to ask for help. And I think for me, like there have been so many places in my life where I've been unable, but it's also been a refusal. Like I refuse to ask for help because I don't want people to think less of me. I don't want people to be. I don't know. Think like, Kayley, you're dumb. Like, you know, you should have known that answer by now. Or for whatever reason, like, God forbid I asked someone to help me and put them out. Right. And I, I've had to really grapple with what it means to ask for help. But I. As God was sitting there telling me your immaturity is founded and your inability to ask for help, I said, okay, I will actively ask for help. And so a week goes by and I'm wrestling with this 80 pound podcast gorilla that's sitting on my back and I begin to think of my old pal. Alex Lagos, who is the producer for this podcast, um, foreshadow, uh, and I called him and I said, Hey, like, I don't know what to do here. This is what I need. This is what I'm looking for. And keep in mind, Alex doesn't know this, but I'll tell him now 'cause I think he's backstage listening. I was so afraid to call him because I was so afraid of what he would think of me. Like, you know, you're a small potatoes Kayley. Like I do these big major podcasts now, like I work with celebs. Like, you're really not that, you know, you're kind of just, you know, a loser. Like that's what was going on in my, in my head, and I was so close to not asking him for help. And then I remembered what God said to me. Your immaturity is founded in your inability to ask for help. And I said, fine Lord. I will call him right now. Then Alex answered the phone. I told him what I needed and he said, Kayley, like I'm the perfect guy for you. Like I got everything you need. And I was like, really? I was like, you wanna help me? And he goes, yes. I said, okay. This is so good. Cue the 80 pound gorilla lifting off my shoulders. It was magnificent. And it's been smooth sailing ever since for this podcast. And when I say smooth sailing, the Lord wants me to tell all of my dirty laundry to you guys. To y'all who I've never met, or maybe to y'all who I have met. I mean, my family doesn't even know about my affair. This is gonna be really good when we get into the. Nitty gritty of my story, but I have to tell you the backdrop of how this is coming because you need to know the foundation of, of what I've been wrestling with. Just to even get to this place right here of telling my story. I. And so 80 pound gorilla is off my back, and now I'm thinking, man, I don't have the money to take care of this. And someone's giving me a thousand dollars to help launch this podcast series. I've got graphic design that's been given to me. I've got photography that's been given to me, and I'm like, ready to go. And I remember. The Lord told me, I was reading in Psalms, Psalm 1 27, 1. It says, unless the Lord builds this house, the work of the laborer is in vain. And that struck me so acutely last year when I read that and I said, Lord, I don't wanna waste any of my time. I want you to build my house, and I look at how he's developed this podcast for me and set the stage, and I'm like, wow, it's so clear, Lord, that you built the house. You gave me all the words. You gave me all the nudges. You totally shifted me and shaped me on the road to sit right here where I'm sitting right now, and. You know, I'm wearing this orange blazer that's I think a designer blazer that I got from Goodwill in Oklahoma City, and I'm sitting here barefoot, and I'm wearing this hat that I legit made this morning, and it has the numbers 9 3 7 on it, which represents Matthew 9, 3, 7, and that verse is. The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. And I remember I decided to, to partner with God in my life, not just in this podcast, but also in my music and wherever I go, because I firmly believe that wherever my feet are planted, that is my ministry. And I said, God, you know, I know the laborers are few, but I am willing and wanting to be your co laborer. I want to go get the harvest with you. And so that's what this. This hat represents and I just, I had to wear it today for those of you that are watching online, and if you're listening, then just get over to the YouTube channel and you can watch and look and see all the orange that I'm wearing. I legit look like I popped out of a UT football game. I promise you, I am not allegient to that team. If you're offended that I'm not allegiant to that team, then I will be allegiant just for this podcast. I, deep down, I'm a severe people pleaser, so whatever you want me to be in this outfit, I will be that for you. Okay. Now that I've set the stage for all of that, you have to know that I'm about to tell you the gross parts of my story, truly out of love, because I believe that if I love you, even strangers that are listening, if I truly love you, I will give you the keys. To having a rich, satisfying life. And that is what I have now. Like, it's not rich in like a financial way. It's rich in this abundant way. Like it's like Dorothy stepping into Oz and seeing color for the first time. That's what my life feels like now that I've decided to follow the Lord. And like I walk with God and it's rich and it's abundant and it is so satisfying and it's not devoid of pain. But let me tell you with him, like the pain doesn't hurt the same. You actually have this joy, this that can't be burnt out, this peace that passes understanding. You're able to walk through adversity without crumbling., and meanwhile,, you live to tell the tale and then you, you find all this joy and anyway. I am doing it because I love you. I'm doing it because I care about your walk and I'm not stingy with the wisdom that I've learned that has helped set me free. Okay, now let's get into why I'm a Christian and the divorce and the affair and all that stuff. Um, starting from the very beginning. When I was a little girl, I always felt drawn by the Lord. I always believed that there was something bigger that I couldn't really wrap my head around. I remember riding on the school bus at like five years old and thinking about it and., I was raised in church. Um, my parents aren't necessarily overtly religious by any means. Like, it wasn't like I was there every Wednesday and every Sunday, but I think they loved the idea of community. And so we definitely got involved in church and I remember I was six years old when I gave my life to the Lord officially, and I got, baptized at seven When my family moved down to Fort Myers, Florida, we started going to another church. And again, I fell right back into the routine of community. And, and then by middle school and early high school, I was on fire for the Lord because I went to all the right summer camps and we were praising Jesus. And I wanted to get baptized again at 15 because I felt like I knew something different then. And, I think all the while, even though , I loved God, I think. I knew that there was something special and intimate and something I wanted to be a part of and going to church or in following him, or even, or just like claiming the title of Christian. But the truth of the matter really was, is that I knew of God, I didn't know him. And that's, I think, a, a, a a way that most Christians in America today and beyond are walking Now. They know of God, but they don't truly know him. And I can look back at that little girl I was and say that for with certainty because now I know him. Now I walk with him. But I, you know, I went through high school, very independent. I was a very good girl again, because I was compelled towards faith. Like, I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, I didn't cuss. I didn't party. I, I made pretty decent grades. I wasn't the best student. I got lazy at times. But like, I never was a cause for concern. I never worried my mom or my dad, like the most trouble I ever got into was a speeding ticket when I was 16 years old. And you should have seen the tears soaked. An awful letter that I wrote of an apology saying, , I am so sorry mom and dad that I did this and I posted it on their bathroom mirror. And I think they laughed when they saw it, honestly., I think they didn't wanna punish me because I was so quick at punishing myself because I had this high standard of excellence for myself of I've gotta perform, I've, I've gotta be good, right?. And that was kind of the backdrop for who I was growing up. I ended up going to musical theater school. I went to a college called Boston Conservatory. It was very prestigious, it was expensive. And my parents believed in me and they, they decided to allow me to attend, and they helped painfully finance that for me and. Even when I was in college, like I was the set apart one, I, I was the one that wanted to go to church. In fact, every Sunday I would invite my friends to join me and I'd sit on the corner of my apartment block and I'd wait for them to join me and no one would join me and I'd go by myself because I just, I had to be there. There was something innately I. Identifying about me being a Christian. It was something I was and I wanted to be a part of, and I, I found myself leading Bible studies on campus. And was I qualified? Absolutely not. I mean, like, I barely prayed and I barely, I barely read the Bible, but I was a Christian. Again, I knew of him. I didn't really know him, but I was compelled and drawn. And then I meet the man that I eventually marry. And I heard him say that he was a Christian and I saw him at church worshiping and that was enough for me to be like, you're gonna be my husband and boy was I naive. But we dated for a while, long distance 'cause I was still in college. And then we ultimately got married and it wasn't long until the marriage that I realized like this is. Obviously this is hard., I mean, I kind of knew going into it it would be hard., I knew that there were gonna be times where I would be tested and I would have to choose to love when I didn't feel the love., what I didn't understand was that I would probably end up having to choose to love the entire time, and I subsequently. Pretty early on found myself in a, an abusive marriage where I was. Mentally abused, spiritually abused, uh, verbally abused. And of course, when, when all you want to be is a wife, you overlook all the red flags leading up to marriage. I, I wish I, at that time, I would've had mentorship because I think things might've been different for me, had I had the right people speaking into my life and asking the right questions. But I was so grossly independent. My parents, they just were hands off with me. They trusted me and., I should not have been trusted. I was not trustworthy, that naive, that young. I met him at 19, got married at 23 and. I didn't know what red flags were, so how was I gonna identify them as such? No. In fact, I married the red flag. I, I married the person who said he loved me, but showed no sense of love in any of his actions. Uh, I mean, there was nothing I could do to influence him to care or to. Show any regard for my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions, and I remember being so torn up about this and crying out to God one day asking like, why did you give me a man that didn't understand me, that didn't care? And thinking that that was just my lot in life. Not understanding that I was being abused. Of course, I didn't see it that way. I was brainwashed too. I, I didn't think that the verbal abuse, that he'd spew my way about how I was a terrible wife and how I didn't listen to wisdom and I was not submissive like all these. Biblical things like just thrust upon me, like I, I didn't see it as abuse because I didn't actually know what the symptoms were. I never took time. And of course, no one wants to marry themselves to the word abuse. No one wants to align themselves with the word victim or say someone's an abuser, because that just seemed too egregious. That just seemed too major of a title to cast on someone., and so I think I just lived really small and I was manipulated into not talking about the underbelly of my marriage, the ugly side of it, because man, I had to protect his reputation, right? And so no one knew. No one knew the prison that I really was in, even though there was never physical abuse. It was. Extremely detrimental to me. And, , five years go by and I find myself loveless. I, I have a stone calloused heart that had been made that way after years of reaching out for, um, just intimacy in every way and just being rejected and defiled and used and abused and just dismissed, disregarded all the D words. I, um. If I could go back and slap myself upside the head and say, think differently, I guess I would. But I think the Lord knew that there would be an expiration date, that at some point people that he had commissioned to be my rescuers would come along and help pluck me out of this awful thing. But. That didn't happen for a little bit more time because of my stoned callous heart. I found myself in a very big predicament. I remember I was, it was the season I was doing the voice. It was 2018. I was going out there and they had to do a psyche eval on me. They do it on everyone and make sure you're of sound mind before you enter into the show, which I get it very responsible. And one of the questions I had was, Kayley, what is your biggest fear? And with like trembling hands, I remember writing down that I would betray my husband and I, I knew there was something so terrifying about saying that. And looking back, I can say now that it was because I knew it was possible. I knew it was possible that I would betray the, the, the person I was supposed to respect and love and honor and cherish. Right.. And subsequently, it's like my biggest fear became my reality., I developed a crush while I was out at the voice and nothing ever came from it. It was a week long thing where I was romanced by someone and fending them off and saying, Hey, like, I need to respect my marriage. Like, you can't talk to me like this. And, but it did something inside me where I was like, wow. For the first time, I feel noticed and appreciated by somebody. Like someone actually cares about me. I am feeling things I've not felt really ever, okay, what do I do with this? And the onslaught of guilt and shame that began to be piled onto my spirit as a result of like even the thought of having feelings for another guy. And I just kind of buried it. I didn't really do anything much about it. I certainly didn't pray. I still didn't have a prayer life, even though I still claimed Jesus. I flash forward 2018. In the fall. I meet these two women. I'm playing downtown Nashville, Broadway. They're coming up to me and they're saying, Kayley, we know you're a Christian. We can just. Tell, will you come and will you lead worship at a women's event that we're gonna host? And I said, yeah, sure. Why not? Well, that was the fall of 2018. That event did not come to pass until the fall of 2019. And what transpired in that year shook me and broke me and brought on an entirely. Crazy identity crisis where I did not recognize who I was. I remember a few months after I met those women, I met another man who, gosh, saw me for everything I wanted to be seen for. I mean, he learned all my music with. Passion. I mean, , we became collaborators first, and I didn't have those feelings at first, but man, did I have that intrigue. And, , this person became such an intense collaborator that like everything we did together just seemed like it was electric, like it shined. I was having conversations with someone who cared about my future, who cared about my gifts, who cared ,,about, , just giving me everything that they could in order for me to succeed and be successful. And I'm like, no one was interested in my dreams like that. I mean, my ex-husband had no idea what my dreams were, and yet we lived in Nashville, Tennessee for me to pursue music. And he could not tell you. What my favorite things were, I would play these songs for him about like my grief in our marriage. And he didn't bat an eye, he didn't care, he didn't know he was not interested. And now all of a sudden somebody was, and if I was that, that, that sponge under the sink begging for water. This man that I had just met came along and sprinkled me, and I came to life. I mean, that's what it felt like. I was seeing rainbows for the first time, and it wasn't long before we revealed our feelings to each other, and all of a sudden I'm now in a. Fair, this emotional affair, and we did everything we could to abstain from it going to physical places we couldn't come back from. And, but man, I was riddled with shame and we were going out on the road and playing all this music and man, I was living life in this high dimension that I'd never accessed before. And then coming home and being in the depths of despair and like no one. Should physically go through the toll of that rollercoaster. I mean, the ups and downs that I went through, it was, I, I just, I didn't know how to get out of it. I didn't know where the off button was, where the eject button was. I didn't know what I wanted. I, I became a version of myself. I hated, I mean, here I was. This seemingly hoity-toity, goody two shoes square that never drank, cussed, did drugs or partied. That was my history. I was always the good girl, and yet now I'm finding myself in something that is bad, like I'm in an affair. What is this? Who even am I? And I remember the time was ticking and I had to go to this retreat. I had to lead worship for all these women, and I remember it was the first time I decided to pray, in I don't even know how long, months, maybe even a year. And I just kind of shook my fist at God and I just said, Lord, how in the world am I supposed to lead those women to the Lord to you? When I can't even look at you. I can't even look at you myself. And he said, Kayley, why do you think this is all about you? And don't you know I can do whatever I want through whoever I want? And I was like, even me. Like I, I feel so ashamed of myself. Like even the person that's married and is in an affair, like you think you can use me? And I said, okay. And I went, I didn't cancel the trip. I went and I remember the first night there, I'm trying to stay buttoned up. I don't want anybody to know about my life. Like don't ask me any questions for fear that I might just word vomit. Everything. I want kept inside me forever and ever. Amen. And night one, the right person came up to me and we just started talking and there was something so loving about them that you could just. Fall asleep in their arms. Like this woman loved me as a child of God and I called her my pillow person for a long time 'cause that's what she was to me and I found myself. Releasing all of this information to her. I mean, it was the pivotal moment of confession for me. And since then I've learned that confession really is the sliding door moment for you to get free. Sliding door moment for me to get free, like everything that had been inside of me, like the abusive marriage and. The betrayal that my husband had done. I mean, he was having inappropriate conversations and solicitations with women ever since year two of marriage. I mean, it was constantly something I was seeing and dealing with, but it was something I believed was my fault because he told me it was my fault and I walked with that brainwashed BS for so long, and I'm sitting here gushing to them, telling them about what I've gone through in my marriage and then telling them about this. Affair partner, this person that I'm in love with and like finally sees me and they didn't judge me. I feel like as Christians, we go judging people so much and one thing I learned about judgment, . Is the foundation for judgment is fear. Anytime I ever judged anybody, it was because I was afraid to be like them. And so if you're judging somebody out there, if you're listening to this podcast and, you're thinking to yourself like you've been judging people because they don't act like you. They don't talk like you. They don't believe what you believe. It's. Probably out of fear. And let me tell you, the Lord came to redeem you. He came to save you for, I did not come to condemn, but to save says the Lord. And that's John three 17. You can quote me on it if you have a problem with what I'm saying. But I sat there and confessed. They loved me like a child of God. They didn't judge me and they looked at me and they said, Kayley, that is not a marriage, and Kayley, you need to be rescued. And boy did I need to be rescued, and thus began. The time when I just started getting counseled by good women, by godly women, by faith-filled women that were praying for me, not crucifying me, but praying for me and contending for me. And a few months later, I found myself moving out of my house. I was living under such severe anxiety. I truly thought it would take such a toll on my life and on my body that it would cripple me and kill me. And I said, okay, it's time to move out. I ended up leaving temporarily I thought, and then it became permanent as God revealed all the things that were hidden to me. I mean, he showed me things about my marriage that I did not know that I was brainwashed in., he commissioned me to set the affair partner aside because like, how could I, how could I, feel good about leaving a marriage? To run to somebody else's arms. Like I refused for that to be my story. And so I said goodbye and. I am so glad I did that because it got me alone with God. And now we're, we're in 2020. This is the height of the pandemic. This is COVID. We are all living in fear, and meanwhile, I'm having the time of my life because I'm on a forced sabbatical. I can't play music and God is visiting me every day. I am going on these long walks with him, and I'm, and I'm building a relationship with him. Finally, I'm building a relationship., I not only. Like know of him, I actually am beginning to know him and walk with him, and he's giving me these beautiful downloads and he's loving me like a gentle father. He's not rejecting me because of the title of divorcee. He's not rejecting me because I fell in love with the wrong man. He's not rejecting me based on all the things that I did wrong, all this performance. Related crap that I tried to walk in. No one can fully perform to be loved by God. Like the, the way to be loved by God is simply to just receive it. You don't have to perform for him to accept you. In fact, the currency of heaven is just faith. Do you believe in him? The Bible says If you believe in your heart and you've confessed with your mouth that I am God, you will be saved. That's all that I had to do. That is the ultimate pedigree that I needed to believe in my heart. And to confess in my mouth. And I was doing that in a new way. And subsequently I began walking with him and talking with him, and my life completely changed. And so if you're in this position where you feel like You're in the crap of your life where you're too ashamed to, to talk or to tell or to confess. I'm telling you, your confession will be your breakthrough. But don't confess to the wrong people. Confess to the right people. I promise you, the Lord will bring you the person to talk with and, and set the facts straight in your life because. This prison that you're in, the prison that I was in was not from the Lord. It was totally from the enemy. For he comes to kill, steal and destroy, but God comes to give you a rich and satisfying life, and I am walking as a living testimony in this rich and satisfying life. Lemme tell you, I was not qualified for this. I've never been qualified to do a podcast or to be in this platform, to be in this position. But what I love about God is that he doesn't call the qualified. He actually just qualifies the called, and that's who I am. I am the called and he's qualifying me day by day to step out in faith, to kick fear in the hairy balls and say, let's do this. I am the Bible Bish. And we got things to say about who Jesus is and the places that he can take you. the bad, and the ugly. And you think that it is revolting and it's too bad and it's too hard. Well, I guess that's good. You know, maybe you have like a blessed life. I don't know. But if you're listening to my testimony and you think, ugh, this is legit small potatoes. Like if you knew my life like I was a prostitute or I was this, I was selling drugs or I was, I had multiple affairs. Are you kidding me? Just one. Are you kidding me? I got pregnant by my friend. I don't care what your. I really don't care what your story is. I'm not here to judge you for it at all. That's not my job, and nor do I want that role., but I will tell you if my testimony is nothing to you, then let, let's just put it in perspective, like my mountain can be somebody else's anthill. And your ant Hill Can be somebody else's mountain. and it's not about judging each other's testimony, it's just about loving each other where we're at. Because for some reason, this is my testimony and it was a thing that thrust me onto my knees and said, God, you have to take the driver's seat. I. Literally drove my life into the ground. I hated who I, who I was. I didn't know who I was for that fact, like my identity issues. It was a complete identity crisis. But God, like I had to have you take the wheel so that you could actually steer me back on course. I was not gonna get outta that mess alone. And praise God. He brought people into my life to shepherd me, to mentor me, and to counsel me. And now I'm standing before you doing this crazy thing called airing my dirty laundry for all to see. But if this testimony has has touched you in any way, please go on bible Bish.com. Drop a line, tell me what part impacted you the most. Ask me questions like I will lay it all bare even more so if you want me to, and we can just. Have an awesome dialogue. Uh, the next handful of podcasts, I'm gonna have guests on here. We're gonna talk about all, all sorts of things. We're gonna talk about relationships, how to step out in bold faith and talk about Jesus to strangers. Um, we're gonna talk about the difference between how men and women relate to God. We're gonna talk about friendship and obedience, and there's so many things I wanna share with you because if I love you, I will hand you the keys. I will hand you the roadmap and say, look, this is the way I have lived. Or come to live a, a rich and satisfying abundant life and so subscribe, be my friend. Go on bible Bish.com, add me on Instagram, Bible Bish all the places, subscribe, do all the things. And I just pray that you go forward with breakthrough because that's ultimately what I want for you. I love you guys. This is your Bible Bish and I'm doing it all in the name of love. Be blessed.